This is my article on giving bad feedback. As leaders, parents, and friends, if we chronically give bad feedback we destroy relationships, make other people feel stupid, and stunt their growth. Following the NORMS of objectivity
I use what I call the “NORMS approach” to keep the feedback objective rather than subjective. Here’s how it works:
Not an interpretation. Describe the behavior, don’t interpret why someone did something.
Observable. Focus on specific behavior or outcomes that are seen or heard.
Reliable. Two or more people independently agree on what they observed.
Measurable. Use facts to describe the behavior or result rather than superlatives like ‘all the time’ or ‘always’.
Specific. Based on a detailed description of the event (e.g., who was involved, where and when it happened, and what was the context and sequence of events).
As a result of going through this process, “John is always late,” turns into, “John was late for the leadership meeting three times last week.” This helps avoid emotions and exaggerations, as well as the disagreements that come when someone naturally tries to defend their behavior.